Home is where your Wii is
The most depressing part about vacation, and the part that makes you wonder what could have possessed you to subject yourself to such an inhumane form of torture, is the drive home. Even though the kids were angels (GASP! SHOCK!) Shelby and I were about ready to toss out some banana peels and red shells Mario Kart style by hour seven.
Which brings me to a subject I must address. Two-lane highways. We’ve all driven on them, yes? We all know what the left lane is for, yes? Faster traffic and passing, yes? Most commonly, going slightly above the speed limit, yes? WELL NO, NO APPARENTLY EVERYONE DOES NOT KNOW THAT. And apparently everyone does not also know that if you take a quick glance in your rear view mirror and notice that there is a line of bumper-to-bumper traffic behind you FIFTY FRICKING MILES LONG, maybe you should get your ass back over in the right lane. There had to have been fiery hot daggers visibly shooting from my eyeballs because I was NOT. HAPPY. For at least an hour we drove behind morons like this, constantly having to slam on our breaks because they were tailgating each other going SIXTY-FIVE IN A SEVENTY. IN THE LEFT LANE. AND YES THE ALL CAPS ARE NECESSARY BECAUSE THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS.
Ahem.
Oh, and Chicago drivers? Eff you. Plz to not be slamming on your breaks at 75 miles per hour just because you see a cop clocking people. Guess what, brainiac, he’s probably already clocked you long before you pass him. So lets not be taunting death by bringing my front bumper within millimeters of your tailpipe, mmkay?
Road rage? Moi?
Other than the torturous trip home, our third Wisconsin vacation was fabulous. Surprisingly relaxing, or as relaxing as it can be without leaving the kids locked in a closet at home with a box of Twinkies. All three were appropriately fawned over and spoiled, and we all survived no TV for a whole week. Beckett learned to climb out of his crib, Sawyer only took a sleep-walking adventure that involved using the carpet as a urinal once, and Avonlea SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT once. Yes, my poor boobs were feeling that one.
My mom hosted a Tupperware party for me and even though I felt like a blubbering idiot through half of my demonstration, the guests seemed to enjoy themselves, my mom got free stuff and I made some decent commission. I got to eat delicious cheese curds not once but twice, as well as a burger called the Horseshoe that sounded and looked lots better than it actually tasted. Shelby and the boys spent copious amounts of time outside, digging in the dirt, fishing, and doing general dirty gross boy activities. And we all had to hold back the giggles and snorts every time a waitress said “Theere ya gooo!” Sarah Palin style. And the weather. OMG the weather. was. GORGEOUS. Still working on whittling Shelby down enough to convince him we need to move.
I’m kicking myself now because my camera stayed packed away in the diaper bag until the last day and that is so unlike me. So I have little to no photo evidence of the trip, sadly. However, the boys tripped my dad’s wildlife cameras a couple different times, which made for some pretty priceless photography:
As fun as it was and as much as I miss my family again already, we’re glad to be home. Sawyer especially, because he missed the Wii so much that I think he might hug it and kiss it and ask to take it to bed with him tonight. He likes to play in the Mii plaza and create new Miis. He played my sister’s but wasn’t allowed to touch her Miis and it drove him insane. He’s already told me he plans to make a new Mommy Mii with a “crazy mouth.” This is to go along with the one he already made of me that is sporting a fu manchu and squinty eyes. That is, if he and Beckett don’t kill each other before nap time.
Ah, home sweet home.
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