Most difficult, underpaid, underappreciated
This parenting thing. It’s hard. Like, really hard.
You have this tiny little baby. All it does is poop and eat and sleep and it likes to wake up a lot at night and cry for no reason and keep you from taking a shower, like, ever. And you think, man, this is hard.
Then they get a little bigger. And there’s teething, and becoming mobile, and figuring out how to feed the thing and the begging and pleading to sleep through the night just once. Just please go to sleep. And sometimes you think, I can’t wait until this kid is older. This is hard.
But the potty training. Ditching the crib. Terrible twos. Tantrums. Back-talking. Injuries. Wait a second. When does this start getting easier?
It doesn’t. Four years in and it hasn’t gotten easier. Different, more challenging predicaments await each new year. And from what I’ve heard, it just keeps getting harder and harder (as the parents of teens like to smugly remind me every chance they get).
I feel intimidated a lot of the time. Inadequate. Not worthy of being in charge of another human being (or 3!) and making sure they learn to choose the right paths.
Most recently, we’ve been learning that the way we parent (or don’t parent) has a huge, giant, I’m talking ENORMOUS impact on our 4-year-old’s mental and emotional well-being. Simple things, like absentmindedly rattling off one too many “just a minute, son”s and out of nowhere you’ve got a kid crapping on the floor for attention. Yes, again. Still. Whatever.
But really, this isn’t going to be another poop post. Just an example, albeit kind of a disjointed one, of how this. Is. HARD. When we first brought home that teeny little bundle, sat in our living room and asked each other, So what do we do with it now? we weren’t thinking about how four, five, six years down the road we’d have to worry about something much more complex than the color of his poop or how many jars of baby food he should be eating per day.
It seems like it should be a given – pop out a kid, hope to all the deities than you don’t mess it up too horribly. And maybe I was just incredibly naive back then. But tonight was my first real, true HOLY SHIT, WHAT IF I SCREW HIM UP FOR LIFE? moment.
It’s scary.
Because he’s a really cool, intelligent, loving kid. And god, I really hope I don’t screw him up. If I can accomplish that, then I’ve succeeded in life.
I think you’ve done a good job. Your kids are so sweet and lovely and somehow you’ve been able to etsy!
Claudia´s last blog ..girl talk thursday: the ideal lunch date
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It’s kind of sad really, when you grow up you don’t appreciate your parents in a way that you should. My mother is definitely not World’s Best and has done a lot of wrongs by me through life but she did change my diapers and make sure I was fed. I owe her that at least. Maybe that is why parents screw their children up. Raising and infant is the easy part, and as they grow they just don’t know what to do or how to better their child.
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Alicia Reply:
October 30th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
@Courtney, Oh for sure. I look back now at some of the things I would get seriously pissed at my mom for, and not I realize how heart-wrenching it must have been for her. Infancy is definitely the easiest part of parenting.
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Keep in mind that simply being aware makes you a good parent; I don’t think most parents are that in tune with being aware and present for their kids. I think that puts you a step ahead.
Hyacynth´s last blog ..Everyday Life: Intentions
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From my perspective, if I can make it past age 3, then I’ve got this thing in the bag. Because age 3 sucks. A lot.
C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..Always Brush Your Teeth
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Alicia Reply:
October 30th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
@C @ Kid Things, I keep thinking the age he is is the worst yet. And then he gets a year older, and it gets even worse. I’m hoping I get lucky with the girl and she actually cuts me a break as she ages.
Probably not though. Ha.
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you are NOT going to mess your kids up, at all. children are incredibly resilient first of all, and i work with adolescents that had parents who smoked weed with them, did crack with them, prostituted them out, neglected them most of their lives, beat them up, etc.
and they are still functioning. there is still hope for them. they are making progress.
i guess what i’m trying to say is that i think sometimes our society lends itself to a type of thinking that is like, “parenting is perfection – you should love every minute of it,” and that’s just not the truth.
you are funny, smart, caring, and fun – your kids are gonna be justtttt fine.
(and for everything else, there’s a counselor. ;D )
cupcake conception´s last blog ..I’m still breathing!
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Alicia Reply:
October 30th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
@cupcake conception, Dude, I’m totally worried that they actually will need counseling because of me. It keeps me up at night!
But seriously, thanks. You put me a little more at ease.
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You know why your kids are going to be ok? Because you are worried about them being ok. It’s the ones who treat kids like a plant and don’t give a whit about their well-being and parenting who turn out to be messed up.
I don’t think it ever gets easy. Sorry. Yeah I’m not smug about it, with a 14yo girl and a 7 yo boy. It does get…different though. I know that getting older has given me a sense of perspective. Things can be hard with my daughter, but because she’s older too, you’re able to communicate better with them. If they listen and aren’t slamming doors LOL
Seriously I understand. My son is 7 and I’m still waiting. And not the normal everyday stuff, he has health issues and that is why I’m 75% white and rely on haircolor at age 39.
And then my mom will say something and I get it–even at 39, my mom STILL worries. I guess I should stop thinking it gets easier. LOL
Your kids are beautiful btw
Hang in there. Thanks for keeping it real.
HeadacheSlayer´s last blog ..300 Dollar Gift Certificate for The Crafty Angel on ETSY.COM
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I also have that fear that I’ll mess my kid up. I have no idea what I’m doing, lmao! I guess all we can do is just try, right?
Sarcastica´s last blog ..A little piece of heaven, with him
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